I'm Not That Drunk | The home of regrettable purchases

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Prepare for your day like Patrick Bateman

As a teenager you no doubt slept until midday, rolled out of bed, played computer games and ate bowls of cereal. You probably didn’t shower until the evening and I’m guessing your job (if you had one) was rubbish. If you’re a student this’ll sound near identical to your life...

Features / Man Tools / Style

13 ways to evolve before everyone else

So evolution is probably slowing down, what with all the health care and all the easy girls flying around. Being alpha male just doesn’t put you at the front of the pack anymore; you need to take matters into your own hands. You need to e-volve (sorry) and get the...

Features / For Girls

8 Valentines gifts guaranteed to end your relationship

It’s almost Valentine’s day and you’re on the internet looking for something – anything – for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Then you realize: you can’t think of anything because, in reality, you don’t really care about this person. Better yet, you want to break up with them! And what better...

Features / Living / WTF?

Prepare for the apocalypse

Sooner or later the apocalypse’s sure to arrive. We think sooner. Ok, so it didn’t really show up on May 21st 2011, but there are big hopes for 2012. Unless you’ve invested in an iron man suit, a spaceship or built yourself a nuclear bunker, you’re gonna feel like a...

Features / For Girls / Nostalgia / Watching

Top 5 Underrated Disney Movies

If you were born in 80s and your parents weren’t exceptionally elitist, you probably grew up watching enough Disney movies to permanently loosen your grasp on reality. Only us kids had the time and mental strength to traipse through every Disney movie that was around, often more than once, and...

Features / Listening / Nostalgia / Reading / Watching

I’ve got love for you if you were born in the eighties

There’s a good chance that if you’re browsing this website you were born in the 1980s. A lot happened in that decade. John Lennon was shot, the Berlin wall came down, Sega’s ‘Master System’ was released (as were the first two Terminator Films), and Elisha Cuthbert was gifted to the...

Latest entries

Nourishment / Reading

around
$15

The Hemingway Cookbook

Eat like a badass.

The ultimate cookbook for the real man, legendary author and beard enthusiast Ernest Hemingway brings the world this collection of badass recipes. Meals include Dorado Fillet in Damn Good Sauce, Woodcock Flambé in Armagnac, Campfire Apple Pie, and Fillet of Lion washed down with Campari and Gordon’s Gin. It’ll put hair on your chest.

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How drunk would you have to be?

1944

Living / Man Tools / Reading / Style

around
$20

Lazy-as-Fuck Reading Glasses

Also good for looking down your own shirt. Ladies.

As we all know, it’s incredibly difficult to sit up in bed while reading. With these magic prism glasses, you can enjoy 50 Shades of Gray while focusing on more important things, like wondering how your life came to this dazzling low point, or stimulating your prostate whilst picturing yourself safe in the strong arms...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1934

Playing / WTF?

around
$25

Banana Suit

How to make everything right.

INTD are going to let you in on a little secret. A banana suit changes everything. For example; You get too drunk, you’re obnoxious. You get too drunk in a banana suit, it’s hilarious. More? You get into a fight? You’re an aggressive, dangerous thug. Banana suit? Hilarious. Even more? You shit yourself? Disgustingly horrifying....

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How drunk would you have to be?

1926

Playing / WTF?

around
$35

The Dad saddle

or as my Dad calls it, "get on my Daddle you sh*t"

You’ve got a kid? This is a no-brainer, what kid doesn’t want to ride their Pop-Pop around the house like a Ton-Ton in a suit that smells of whiskey and missed baseball games? But let’s face it, you’re on a drunk shopping website – if you’ve got a kid you only get to see him...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1920

Living / Man Tools / Playing

around
$100

Xtreme Pong Sports: BasketPong

Be the "Michael Jordan" of Alcoholism

Beer Pong just got athletic, so you can stay ripped while you pwn some fucking n00bs, teabagging everyone’s cups like it’s going out of style. Hope you aren’t afraid of heights because these cups just got VERTICAL. The last time balls got forced into this many holes, Kobe Bryant ended up in court! And was...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1906

Style / WTF?

around
$18

Incredible Dog Shirt

WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF

WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF

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How drunk would you have to be?

1902

Reading / Uncategorized

around
$10

Understand Rap – The Book

The perfect gift for Grandma

As the rapper and modern poet “Lil Wayne” once said: “I told her to back it up like ‘burp burp’, And make that ass jump like ‘scherp scherp’”. What? I’m sorry, I’m far too white to understand what’s going on. Is this lady okay? This book helps decipher the words of T.I., Master P, Lil...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1896

Style

around
$20

Combat Stryker Adult T-shirt

Are you an AmeriCAN or an AmeriCAN'T?

If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife. I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin here today. ‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that away. And I’m proud to be...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1883

Man Tools / Nourishment / Uncategorized

around
$10

Beer Can Wraps

get stealthy with can-oflauge

The park, the church, a baseball game, and even your daughter’s dance recital — What they all have in common is that they simply cannot be enjoyed without alcohol. However, it can be tough to get away with drinking as much as you’d like. These can wraps give you the stealthiness you’ve been waiting for,...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1879

Playing / WTF?

around
$9

Gangsta rap coloring in book

People of color

48 pages of all your favorite Rap superheroes for you to color in, or get your kids to color, in as you see fit. Straight out of Crayon. via ThisIsWhyImBroke.com

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How drunk would you have to be?

1873

Man Tools / Style

around
$180

Munitio 9mm Earphones w/ mic control

more like 'ear ... guns?' nope

On a scale of 1-Vin Diesel, are you bad ass enough to wear these? If you answered 1 then yes you are. Put these in your earginas and pump some sticky hot tunes all over your ear drum’s face… I apologise for that, that was unnecessary, but you’re drunk so fuck it.

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How drunk would you have to be?

1863

Living / Style

around
$80

Retro flip clock

Wake up feeling like Don Draper

Of course this is a great idea… stop thinking. You like flip clocks, right? You like looking cool and impressing people? Your inhibitions are low? Treat yourself to some style for once, Hank Chinaski

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How drunk would you have to be?

1855

Style

around
$50

Car underbody neons

Spruce up your banger

We’ve all watched ‘Pimp My Ride’ and wished that we owned a car to be proud of. A car more likely to get us laid than Bumblebee. Back in the real world most of us are stuck with shit piles we inherited when our grandmothers died. Fortunately Paul Walker invented neons for his pioneering film...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1845

For Girls / Living

around
$25

Moon cup

Look mum, no hands!

I slept through most of my biology classes at school but I do remember hearing that once a month the moon bleeds from various canyons it’s deposited across the female population. Using fallen pieces of the moon scientists have fashioned ‘moon cups’ – a novel way to collect this moon juice. I don’t know what...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1830

Living

around
$7

$100 bill toilet roll

Live the life you've always dreamed of

Treat yourself this drunken stupor by putting a few rolls of these in your cart. I don’t care how many drugs your mom took in the 70s, you are a capitalist and nothing will make you feel better than walking out of the toilet having just wiped your ass clean with $2000 (dependent on your...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1822

Living / Man Tools / WTF?

around
$25

Steering Wheel Desk

Driving just got exciting.

Driving to work is boring. Apparently. I’ve never held a job long enough to drive to the office. However, my liquor store commute is now a thing of beauty. Goodbye shitty top 50 radio stations, hello laptop gaming. Driving down the interstate? Nope, you’re in Skyrim. On a horse. As everyone knows, drinking seriously improves...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1810

Entertainment / Living / Reading

around
$20

Self diagnosis for hypochondriacs

The complete manual of things that'll probably kill you

Hypochondria is a virus that affects an as yet indeterminate number of people. It’s not nice and, like aids, it makes you particularly vulnerable to every single disease in the universe – regardless of whether that disease actually exists. I’ve probably got it, you’ve probably got it. So get this manual and read about everything...

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How drunk would you have to be?

1791

Living / Nourishment

around
$15

Bear Paw meat handlers

Barbecue like a man ... well bear. Like a Manbear.

These meat claws make barbecuing like a girl a thing of the past. Use them to flip your meat, use them to skewer your meat, eat off of them and you my friend are a goddamn beast. A great gift for that special man in your life.

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How drunk would you have to be?

1782

Style / WTF?

around
$10

Accoutrements Undercap

Comes soiled if ordered from Japan

From the people who brought you handerpants comes the Undercap, for when you want to wear your underpants on your head – in style (or just to make your beanie warmer). It’s debatable whether this will make you look attractive to the opposite sex, but I personally know-oh-too-well that a follow-through definitely does not. With...

Comments Closed

How drunk would you have to be?

1767

For Girls / Style / WTF?

around
$50

Emergency bra / gas mask

The perfect valentines gift for the woman who has a fear of airborne toxins

We’ve all been there, out on a romantic date, things are going great, until the unwelcome third wheel of harmful airborne particles turn up, but guess what – you don’t have your respirator! If only your date sacrificed sexiness for safety and was wearing the E-Bra, you could rip it off, wrap it around your...

Comments Closed

How drunk would you have to be?

1711

Older

Eat like a badass.

Also good for looking down your own shirt. Ladies.

How to make everything right.

or as my Dad calls it, "get on my Daddle you sh*t"

Be the "Michael Jordan" of Alcoholism

WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF

The perfect gift for Grandma

Are you an AmeriCAN or an AmeriCAN'T?

get stealthy with can-oflauge

People of color

more like 'ear ... guns?' nope

Wake up feeling like Don Draper

Spruce up your banger

Look mum, no hands!

Live the life you've always dreamed of

Driving just got exciting.

The complete manual of things that'll probably kill you

Barbecue like a man ... well bear. Like a Manbear.

Comes soiled if ordered from Japan

The perfect valentines gift for the woman who has a fear of airborne toxins

Wisdom

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